Sunday, 24 February 2013

Examples of Bad Content in a Body of an Email Message


Has this bad email issue been handled correctly?  

When we write an email we need to research, organize and compose the body.  This is very important to put your ideas in an organized fashion so that the reader clearly understands what you are saying.

Examples of bad content in a body of an email message:
Example 1


Attention: Amy Wright:

In reviewing our project on saving the seals from Florida.  We have came to the conclusion we still need more information on this subject to be allowed funding for this project.  Can you give me more information on where the donated funds will be directed to?  These are some of the questions raised in our meeting last week with the CEO.  Also will we need to send employees there for work?  Will we need to fund the airfare and expenses if travel is involved?  How many other companies are involved in the fund raising of "Saving the seals?"    We will need to set up a meeting shortly to discuss this further.  I am sure I have more questions, I just can't think of them now.


M. Mazza
Manager of Advertising & Promotions

Example 2


Attention: Amy Wright:

How are you today?  It was great seeing you the other day at lunch.  I loved your casserole.  I will try that recipe next week.  Please give me your feedback when I finish it.

I find the employee benefits are not covering the basic necessities for dental/health and I have been receiving complaints that a half hour break for lunch is not long enough.  Employees keep complaining and they would prefer to work longer and have a more enjoyable lunch break to get their personal errands done before coming back to their desk to work for the rest of the day.

Our dental and health benefits cover $400 a year for dental and 50% coverage on prescriptions and we do not have any privilege for professional services, such as chiropractors and physiotherapy.  Can we get this changed? 

I hope you think it is a good idea.


M. Mazza
HR Department

Please let me know how you would re-write the above bad body of content examples to good bodies of content?

1 comment:

  1. I would make sure my email setup is correct for a start. Second I would go through my work and correct and spelling or grammar issues id have throughout my writing. Third i would read over my email and make sure my sentences are used correctly and are professional throughout my writing. Lastly I would give it one lasts overall check and then submit it to whomever I'm writing to.